Kids

We lost our first one and had trouble conceiving. So when we started to try again it was an emotional roller coaster. Was it me? Was I not able to produce good seeds? I always blamed myself and never my wife. We went to church as we always did on Sunday and there was a time for prayer. If you have ever been in a Charismatic or progressive church, you know that there are times when you can be prayed for.

Linda was the Superintendent of a private school district and was a mother figure to my wife and I. She quietly put her hand on my wife's shoulder and told her that God was going to bless us with the sounds of joy and laughter in our household. That night we conceived the first of 3.

I loved it when my wife was pregnant. That was the most beautiful that she ever looked and to know that she was full of life was a plus.

I know that it is not possible for me to have any more kids but the ones that I have are truly a gift that I cherish. I get to pick them up from school today and I can not wait to give and receive love from my own blood.

It is a great day.

Did you know that I used to be a Pastor?

After graduating from High School I was faced with the question. What do you want to do when you grow up? That is such a loaded question. When I was a kid I wanted be everything from a professional Skateboarder, to an Astronaut. But when you are entering manhood, what do you do? This is too quick. Do I really need to make a decision right away? I am too young to figure out what I am to do with my life. I grew up in a conservative christian home and wanted to always do the right thing to please God and my family.

My grandfather was a Pastor and was well known in his fellowship of believers. It was never asked of me but I knew that my family wanted me to follow in his footsteps. I was a Youth Pastor for 10 years.

I am no longer in Ministry. Who would hire a 42 year Youth Pastor who is divorced and has 3 kids?

Today I was invited back to a Church where I served as Youth Pastor. They were having a 25th. Anniversary for the Senior Pastors and as part of the party, they invited everyone who was on staff with them.

She did not know how much it blessed me, but she walked by and asked "How are you Pastor? I can not tell you how honored I was to hear those words come out of her mouth.

I may not be a Pastor any longer. But I still want to stand before him and have Him call me "Servant"

I said "Will you Marry me?"

The Cliff House in Malibu was always a special treat. I had made the reservations in January. Tasha was in Russia with her mother. She would fly off for these cool vacations with her mom. She still does. Caribbean, Cruises, Alaska. Crap. She filled up 2 passports before I even met her. I think that it her moms way of bonding and staying in control and escaping from the reality that is her life. (that is for another blog) We had dated for a year and a half and the subject of marriage would rise often. I was ready. She wanted out of her house. I knew that she wanted out but I wanted to make sure that I loved her and that she loved me. I would pray that God would show me not just one sign but many. And he did!

Hello Joe? It is me Rodney. Can we meet for lunch while the girls are in Russia? Where would you like to go? Pizza Hut? OK.....How about someplace nice? OK..... Pizza Hut it is. We met at the one on Devonshire in North Hills.

Me: Joe, I love your daughter and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want your blessing.

Joe: (said in a a subtle back east accent) Youz guyz dont have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out.......He scratches his head..... But then again her mom and I didn't have anything either.

Me: Is that a yes? If you do not answer me I am going to assume that I have your blessing. He didn't say no.


When Tasha and her mom came back from Russia, They were surprised to find Joe at the airport gate to pick them up. He never picks them up. In LA you take the Flyaway bus to Van Nuys. You call when you leave the airport and wait to be picked up.

Tasha: Is everything OK dad?

Joe: Your dingy boyfriend asked for your hand in marriage.

I do not know the rest of the conversation after that. All I remember hearing was my future father in law let the cat out of the bag. They show up at their house and the garage is open. Mind you these are anal people. They do not trust anyone. He must have been so excited to tell Tasha the news that he forgot to close the garage when he left to pick them up.

I had already purchased the ring and was waiting for the right time. Valentines was coming and the reservations were already made at the Cliff House. She said Yes!!!

15 years later I was served divorce papers.

She told me that she was unhappy. She said that she did not like the way I look and she did not even like the way I smell. She said that she must have loved me. We have 3 kids. I just cannot remember ever loving you.

At that time I was too numb to feel the hurt. I believe that God allowed me to guard myself from the pain.

Was it love? Was she just listening to outside influences? Why was this happening to me? I am the good guy. I am the honest one. I do not cheat. I do my best to provide and love my wife.

Then I realize that you can not force anyone to love you. Love is a choice. It does not just happen. You choose to love but first you have to love yourself. The only way to love yourself is to let God in. Your heart is good and has always been good. You just have to learn how to listen to it. Did I marry the wrong girl? No. I had a marriage. We had a great one. It was better than being in love. I think that it would have been nice to have all the romance and the passion that was not in my marriage but that is not what marriage is. Marriage is a commitment. I made a vow to love honor and cherish till death. I will stay committed to that. Do not get me wrong. I have moved on. She is the mother of my children and I will still love, honor and cherish. Just not in the same way as in the past.

Some things need to stay up!

I have three children. The oldest 2 are boys and the youngest of course is our “Tomboy Princess”. Now that everyone is out of Diapers and have been for at least 6 years, the issue of the bathroom protocol has become an issue. When my kids are not with me, I enjoy walking around the house with no inhibitions. There is no one to point, laugh and stare. (That is for another blog) When the kids are home, I notice that things in my bathroom have changed. Toilet paper seams to disappear at an exponential rate and the toilet seat seems to have chronic wetness. The first issue that I would like to address is the toilet paper. My daughter does not just grab a few sheets. She grabs a piece with her thumb and fore finger and begins to rotate her wrist to pull the paper from the dispenser until she makes boxing gloves that are the size of her head. A couple of wipes and a roll later and she is done. This routine is also done when it comes to cleaning a toilet seat. Mind you this is ok if we are at a restaurant or hotel, but when it is my toilet paper that I am having to buy, then it is not that cool. It would be a little different if I still had my Costco membership. Besides. Isn’t that what people get a Costco membership for anyway “Excuse me. I have 5 dollars. Can I have someone sell me that pallet of toilet paper” Then it hits me. I was having an epiphany. The TOILET SEAT NEEDS TO STAY UP!!! Think about it. If the seat is up all the time, you never have to worry about sitting in someone else’s urine. When you have to sit. Put down the seat! All we would have to do is train woman to pull down the seat. That way there is never an argument about leaving the seat up. I do have to admit. There is still nothing funnier than to hear the sound of a girl falling into a toilet. They get so spun out when it happens too. Ladies. Have you ever thought of looking before you sit? It is not the guys fault. Culturally you have been told that the seat should always be down and I am here to say that it is to be up! This is the way it should be. Toilet seat up and put it down if you have to push one out. BTW. Do you know how hard it is to find an image of a seat that has the lid up? I know that I am going to get flack for this post. Especially from Cleveland. ;-)

I love the underdog

Ever since I was a little kid I loved the underdog. I loved the cartoon. I loved the concept. I loved the everything behind the story of the underdog. I think that I first remember hearing about David and Goliath was at Church. I went to a Spanish speaking church that gave me an appreciation for other cultures other than my own. But that is for another blog. My Sunday School Teacher was Mrs. Camerena. She was one of many sisters and one of them was in my Sunday school class. She was a bossy little girl. The baby. Smaller than most. We were being taught the lesson of David and Goliath but there was always interruptions by the bossy one. I wanted to hear the story but it was difficult with the bossy one asking questions like...Can I pass out the snacks yet? Can I have the flannelgraph cut out of David? (FlannelGraphs were the best lo-tech visual ever created. It was nothing more than a piece of flannel on a piece of card board resting on an easel. The paper characters had this fuzz on the back of them that allowed you to "stick" a paper cut out on the flannel and it would magically hang on the flannel) What time does church end today? Are we having a pot luck afterwards? There was always interruptions from the bossy one. When I finally heard the story, I was enthralled. This is something that I could identify with. I was sick as a kid. I was the first minority to attend Los Altos School District, I had parents that were strict and was not allowed to go to dances or social functions. Anytime that I see a great underdog story, I have to say something. It is what drives me. It is waht gives me hope. That is why I am saying MY STANFORD CARDINAL JUST BEAT THE TROJANS OF USC!!!!!!! This is the greatest day of the year so far.

The reason that it is hard

I was married for 15 years and really enjoyed it. I liked the good times and bad. I have always looked at the glass half full but when it comes to dating it has been empty as of late. The thing that makes it difficult for me is the fear of rejection and the fear of getting hurt again. When you have had you heart broken it is hard to let it be thrown out there again for fear that it will never be able to heal again. Because of my schedule with the kids, it makes the days that I do not have them really lonely. The house that was once full of laughter and joy is now quiet and lonely. Maggie the terrier tries to chase my blues away but it is hard to communicate with a canine that very rarely barks much less speaks.

When I do not have my kids I work longer. I find myself going out with some of the guys from work and end up spending way too much money on food. Money that is really tight and is needed to make my minimum payments. On occasion I may meet a lady friend for dinner or some drinks. The ladies that I go out with know that we are just friends and tend to be in the same situation that I am in. I will be honest when I say that it is good for my ego to be seen with a pretty lady. In today's culture if you hang out with only guys, people start to think that you are gay if you are never seen with a lady. When you are with ladies, everything takes on new meaning. Your verbiage, your swagger, and even your smile shows the dimples in a whole new way. The smell that a lady has is calming and comforting. It brings out a sense of being.

I called a lady that I did not know that well to meet me for a drink after work. I made the date a week ago and met last night. I had a good time talking and laughing about the throes of life and relationships. She seems as though she could be a nice friend.

On my way home, I called another lady that I had only talked with on the phone. She lives quite a bit up north and seems like a sweetheart. She puts God first in everything. That is important to me. I have never met her but I enjoy talking to her and we can talk for hours and it feels like only a few minutes.

Then it happens. I know that I have had a nice time with both of them and they both seem very nice but the thought of being in a committed relationship, scares the fig newtons out of me. For now I stay in limbo and wait to go to work and try to keep myself occupied until I see my kids again.

Intro to the Single Parent Survival Guide

If you are not a single parent then most of what I write about may be for your understanding. If you are a single parent than what I will post is something that you have either seen, experienced, or you have observed on your own. When you become single whether by choice or otherwise, things begin to take on a whole new meaning. Simple things like grocery shopping, working, or even grabbing a cup of coffee take on a whole new meaning. When i was married I would think nothing of grabbing some quick groceries and getting in my car and not even noticing who was in the market at the time. Now I look around....Not to check out who is there, but to see who I can avoid. Let me back up for a second. I live in a growing metropolitan suburb in the Central Valley of California. Most of the old school people came here in the 30's-50's and where either Almond Ranchers, Peach Farmers, Walnut ranchers, or Dairymen. there were other Ag opportunities like Poultry and in-breeding. At that time you were either Redneck, Dutch, Portuguese, Italian or Retarded. ( I use retarded as a figure of speech and I have nothing against the mentally challenged) The retarded that I mention think that they are special because they have more than 5 acres that they inherited and never earned. Don't get me wrong I have total respect for those that bought their own property and cultivated it. The reason that I mention these people is because this is the littlest big town that I know of. Everyone knows frickin everyone in this town. I can not go anywhere in this town or the surrounding communities without someone knowing me or my former spouse. ( I hate referring to her as the X. That seems so Junior High I hate it when you are talking to a lady and she refers to her former husband as her X. the moment that she says "X" she is no longer a lady and she just turned into a shallow little girl.)

The market that I frequent is nice. It has a great deli and bakery to the right of the entrance and if you enter on the left there is a little Starbucks. Here is what I do when I go into my local market. I quickly walk in on the Starbucks side and make a dash for the restroom. Not because I have to go but it gives me a chance to scan the market and see if there is anyone that i can avoid. Why would I want to avoid people. I will tell you. There are people in this world that love drama. They love to ask questions that they know the answer to and and wait to see your reaction. They are the people that I avoid. Remember this is a little big town and they have nothing better to do than milk cows or rake almonds. In the next few posts I will share what kind of events have transpired in this Central Valley town. Most of the things that I will write about will center around the market or the area.

I went in the market this morning to get my normal cup of joe and i see the same people that I see everyday. It is pretty routine. I know that when I have my kids which is half time, that the same people are always there. Maybe we are in the same boat. Maybe we are just living mundane lives. Maybe I was smitten by a hot lady that was behind me in line. It really doesn't matter because I would be afraid of asking her out. I just have this fear of rejection. I am going to ask her out tomorrow and will post her response.