The reason that it is hard

I was married for 15 years and really enjoyed it. I liked the good times and bad. I have always looked at the glass half full but when it comes to dating it has been empty as of late. The thing that makes it difficult for me is the fear of rejection and the fear of getting hurt again. When you have had you heart broken it is hard to let it be thrown out there again for fear that it will never be able to heal again. Because of my schedule with the kids, it makes the days that I do not have them really lonely. The house that was once full of laughter and joy is now quiet and lonely. Maggie the terrier tries to chase my blues away but it is hard to communicate with a canine that very rarely barks much less speaks.

When I do not have my kids I work longer. I find myself going out with some of the guys from work and end up spending way too much money on food. Money that is really tight and is needed to make my minimum payments. On occasion I may meet a lady friend for dinner or some drinks. The ladies that I go out with know that we are just friends and tend to be in the same situation that I am in. I will be honest when I say that it is good for my ego to be seen with a pretty lady. In today's culture if you hang out with only guys, people start to think that you are gay if you are never seen with a lady. When you are with ladies, everything takes on new meaning. Your verbiage, your swagger, and even your smile shows the dimples in a whole new way. The smell that a lady has is calming and comforting. It brings out a sense of being.

I called a lady that I did not know that well to meet me for a drink after work. I made the date a week ago and met last night. I had a good time talking and laughing about the throes of life and relationships. She seems as though she could be a nice friend.

On my way home, I called another lady that I had only talked with on the phone. She lives quite a bit up north and seems like a sweetheart. She puts God first in everything. That is important to me. I have never met her but I enjoy talking to her and we can talk for hours and it feels like only a few minutes.

Then it happens. I know that I have had a nice time with both of them and they both seem very nice but the thought of being in a committed relationship, scares the fig newtons out of me. For now I stay in limbo and wait to go to work and try to keep myself occupied until I see my kids again.